There's no preparing in saying good-bye

No matter how prepared you try to make yourself, no matter how much something can be expected, there just is no preparing to say good-bye to someone you love.

Two hours after my last post, I watched the last whispers of breath fade away from someone whom has cared deeply for me my whole life. We knew it was coming. What we didn't know is that you cannot really prepare yourself for a loss like that.

How do you say good-bye to someone who laughed with you? Hurt with you? Worried with you? How do you say good-bye to someone who guided your life through smooth and turbulent waters? How do you say good-bye to someone who thought every sneeze was a cold coming on? Someone who was always just a frequent phone call or pretty letter or car ride away? Someone who shared countless meals and many miles of joyful travel? Someone who gave so much? Cared so much?

Well, I had to say good-bye. I had no choice. There is nothing I can do now, except understand that change happens for a reason. Change is all part of the plan. It's really a good thing, even if it's sad and hurts sometimes. However, we have our memories. Memories are gifts...gifts that reveal someone special once shared your life. My memories are many. I'll never forget, for they encompass so many areas of my personality and life. They are everywhere...in the trees and flowers, in the sun, in the meals, in the house, in the car, on the road. Perhaps some of those memories become one with my own life, blending time past with time today. I can hear it in the way I say something, caught unawares suddenly, hearing her. Or in my thoughts as I go about my work, realizing I've just done something just as she would have.

Change is all part of the plan...there's just no preparing for it...